About the Episode:
Let’s be real—nobody likes a complainer. Venting and complaining can look similar on the surface, but they’re not the same thing. Venting is unloading to someone who isn’t involved in the situation—someone safe who can listen, support you, and help you release pressure without judgment. Complaining is different: it’s when you dump frustration on the person who’s directly involved, and you do it in a one-sided way that leaves no room for a real conversation or a real outcome. Here’s the key: complaining is single-edged—it’s all about what someone did wrong, with no solution, no suggestion, and no path forward. And because it’s one-sided, it produces no fruit. It divides relationships. It ends relationships. If something is bothering you—bring it up, absolutely—but don’t bring it as a blast. Bring it as feedback. Feedback is double-edged in the best way: it includes what’s not working and what could work better. Before you talk to the person, check yourself and ask one powerful question: “How would I want to change it?” Not “how should they change,” but what you can do, what you can suggest, and what you can express as a need—so the conversation becomes constructive instead of corrosive. If you cut complaining out of your life and replace it with clear needs and real solutions, your relationships will level up fast—at work, at home, and everywhere you do life.
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Episode Topics:
- You’ll learn the clean difference between venting and complaining.
- This episode shows why complaining destroys relationships—and how to stop.
- Rick gives a simple question that turns conflict into progress.
- You’ll learn how to bring feedback without dumping negativity.
- If you want stronger relationships, this one is a must-listen.
Don’t just vent and dump on somebody, right? Because when they’re involved in the situation, it’s not venting, it’s complaining, and complaining is one-sided, where you don’t allow for a two-way conversation that produces no results. Complaining produces no fruit. Complaining divides relationships. Complaining ends and destroys relationships. We’re going to talk today about complaining, right? Or maybe venting something along those lines, because they’re kind of different things, but they’re kind of the same thing. And I’m just going to straight up say this: nobody likes a complainer, right? Venting is a different story, because when you’re sitting in front of a friend, someone close to you, by all means, it just feels good to unload sometimes, right from a third party’s perspective, because if something’s going on with you, it feels good to just let that out. You know, it’s like a release, and that’s okay, and it’s awesome, because I’ve got a couple of people in my life that I can vent to when something happens. I don’t do it a lot, right? But that’s what they’re there for.
And there’s this thing that can kind of hold you back sometimes, too, because, like, oh, I don’t want to dump my problems on someone else. You know, get over that. Because there are people that I’m sure that are in your life, too. I know there are, because everybody has these I know they’re in my life and they’re there for it. They’re like, it’s okay, it’s okay to vent to me. And they might be really good listeners, too, if you just give them a chance to do that. It’s okay. You’re not dumping on them. That’s all good. Now, I will say this because when somebody comes to meet events, I typically try to be like, hey, what do you want to do about it? You know, I’ll ask them a question and push them a little bit to move past that situation. But other times, you know, depending on the circumstance, I try to judge this with my own just assertion of what’s going on. Sometimes I don’t even say crap back for real, because sometimes it’s just good. On the receiving end of this event, for those of you that are these really good friends to these people, these really close relationships with these individuals, it’s good to just sit there and listen and just let them all out.
And I talked about this in a previous episode, like when something happens, it’s a good response is to just say, Man, that sucks. I’m sorry. And just let them go, let them vent. It’s cool that way, and they appreciate that. So if you’re on the venting side, and don’t think that you’re you’re burdening somebody by just releasing your emotions, that’s way better than holding it inside way, way, way better. Let’s flip over to the complaining side now, because that’s what most of this talk today is going to be about. Complaining is typically about a person that you’re talking to, okay? Because venting to me is like it’s a third-party situation. The situation does not involve the person that you’re venting to or releasing that frustration to right then and there. They’re just there to support you, because it’s not about them. They’re not involved directly in the situation, maybe indirectly, but not directly in the situation. Complaining is typically about that person, they are directly involved in that situation. Now, if you want to go and bring something to them, if there’s something that you feel they’re doing wrong, maybe it’s against you, or with a situation that you’re involved with, or something like that, or maybe you’re just somebody who is good, and this could be a talent of yours, right, a gifting actually, to where you can identify some things that a lot of other people can’t. That’s cool, too. But when you go to women, you just say, hey, you know what I think you should do this some way. Or, you know what you really sucked at this? Or, you know, what you’re really pissed me off today because of blah, blah, blah, and then that’s it.
That is so unfair to that person, right? So you can catch yourself doing this, and that’s why I started this out on the differentiation between venting and complaining, how venting, by all means, right, is just to release that to somebody who’s not involved in the scenario, not involved in what’s going on with this. You know, they can have an objective point of view, because they are removed from the situation, complaining is with that person, right? I would rather see anybody move to where it’s like a feedback scenario. And feedback is always double-edged, in a very good way. Complaining is single-edged. It sucks to be on the receiving end of that because there’s no way to improve from there. All you’re doing is taking in the negative. This is why complaining is single-edged. Complaining is single-edged, because it’s just one-sided about what you did wrong, where you screwed up, without a suggestion. Question on how to fix the situation, or maybe it’s something that’s going on, and you, the two people that are involved with the situation, actually are something external, right? But it’s your responsibility, like in a job or something like that. It could be a co worker to where something is happening externally, and it’s like, Hey, what are you going to do about it.
Because if somebody’s going to you and just complaining about it, and you both are there, that just drags you down; it’s so unfair to that other person to just complain when it involves a situation that they’re involved in, without giving some sort of suggestion for a solution, right? You need to become part of moving past that. By all means, bring it up. Come on. You have to bring it up. Because, again, just like venting, if you keep it inside, it’s going to start to cause a rift between you and that person, if it’s a co worker, if it’s a partner, if it’s a romantic partner, if it’s a friend, if you don’t bring up something that’s frustrating you about that individual, it’s going to eat you up and cause the vision to the point to where it could kill that relationship. You have to bring it up. You absolutely have to bring it up. Don’t hold it in yet. When you do bring it up, you need to present some kind of a solution. So before you bring it up, maybe think about it a little bit. Maybe identify your anger and your frustration and just be like, Whoa. Time out. Time out. Rick, if I’m talking to myself, let’s just take two seconds. Let’s step back. Let’s take a look at what’s going on here, because I’m frustrated at what just happened or what is happening.
But at the same time, here’s the question to ask yourself: how would I want to change it? And it’s important to use the word I not on, how would I like them to change it? No. How would I want to change it? Focus internally first, throwing out all the other people, even the person that might have pissed you off, all the external circumstances, and focus inward and say, How can I change this? What can I do to make this difference? On occasion, you might not be able to come up with an answer, but that just that answer just might be okay. I’m going to suggest to this other person something that they might want to try differently. Even just making that suggestion to something else, could be the way that you focus, focusing internally. Can actually change the scenario, because you are now bringing a possible change, a possible solution, a possible way through that scenario to the other person who has now offended you. It is so important to do this. When you bring this up. Don’t just vent and dump on somebody, right?
Because when they’re involved in the situation, it’s not venting, it’s complaining, and complaining is one-sided, where you don’t allow for a two-way conversation that produces no results. Complaining produces no fruit. Complaining divides relationships. Complaining ends and destroys relationships. But when you bring a solution or a suggestion or just express a need that you have, that’s when you’ll see a change, because you focus that way and say, What can I do about it when you bring up a grievance to somebody else, make sure you’re not complaining, because complaining is one-sided. That’s how you will be able to tell if you go to them and just blast them without anything else, that’s how you identify that you are complaining, throw this out of your life and watch your life continue to elevate and your relationships get better and better when you actually express your needs and bring a suggestion for change with whatever just pissed you off to who just pissed you off you.