About the Episode :
Have you experienced telling someone “I told you so” and realized how harsh your words truly dig? How about being on the side of hearing your close friend or family member directing it towards you? Rick talks about some ways to properly explain your viewpoint without causing burned bridges or uncomfortable settings.
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Today we’re going to talk about this wonderful phrase called “I told you so.” Before we dive into this, please share this out with three people today, and probably three people that you might hear this from a lot. This phrase from it’s, I’m just making a joke right now but yes, those three people that you’re thinking of share this out, because we don’t take promotions, we don’t take sponsors, all we do is try to impact people and you’re a part of that team to help and by helping you are sharing this out for everybody you might know can benefit from this. Alright, this phrase, I told you, I actually despise this phrase.
So I’m not going to say this is a rant or anything about a situation in my life saying that I or I don’t have a story around like somebody who did something and then I told him, I told you so because I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. I think it’s counterproductive. I think it doesn’t actually allow for forward movements. I feel that it’s just some sort of weird ego trip. I don’t even know why it’s there. You know, because it’s like, who cares? If we acknowledge something happened, and we can move on in that point, and then continue to learn from that, and actually allow that to not do it again, you know, people still need to be apologetic, of course, when they mess up. I’m a big fan of that, because I love doing that, too. I love actually understanding where I went wrong, because it allows me to make corrections in the future. But what point does it serve to when you just call someone and be like “I told you so!”
How is that helpful? That’s my question today. How is that helpful? So I’m going to give you some things today to actually maybe say instead of this phrase, okay, that will actually allow collaboration, allow reconciliation, allow forward movements, rather than this phrase, as I told you, so phrase almost is like, designed to me to keep this person in that moments of just feeling guilty, or whatever and it’s typically because the person that says this is like thrusting that on the other person, in the moment. I understand this human desire of wanting to make sure that the other person understood that they messed up, but only if it’s in a positive constructive way can I see that as being ethical or justified, and I don’t feel that any phrase of I told you so is ethical or justified, when it’s meant to keep that person in that moment and make them like they, like you better think about this ever.
Have your parents ever told you that it’s like, “You better think about what you did!” That’s just what I told you. So in disguise, with a mask on it. Right? It’s the stupidest thing in the world. So I’m going to give you some things a day that will actually help you in these types of conflicts, or these types of situations, to move past those things and actually give you some reconciliation in those moments to whether it’s you’re the one that messed up or somebody close to you messed up, because this is going to happen, hey, let’s face it, we’re all human, we’re gonna mess up, I mess up a lot, right? This happens, and it’s okay. Let’s look at some ways that you can replace that phrase I told you so and watch your relationships around, you start to improve when you strike, eliminate that phrase from your speech.
Alright, the first one I’d like to call kind of like the motivational response. So this is from the position of the individual who may be called something out and not the person who messed up, but the one who could see something coming or thought something, and then they ended up being right. Okay, there’s a phrase I also taught, I also understood and heard a while back that you can be right, or you can be happy. That’s what I’m saying. It’s like, You can be right, or you can move forward, you can be right, you can reconcile, you know, it doesn’t really, really matter to call out that you are right. So this first one, I’m calling the motivational response and here’s something that you could say, in this moment, like, “Hey, I know this sucks and now next time, we know that this is not the best way to go about things. It’s okay, this is a learning experience. No worries. Let’s chalk it up and move on.”
Isn’t that awesome? It’s understanding, because this person probably already feels bad, and gets down on themselves because they know that they messed up. They do. They don’t need you calling it out, just to stick it to them when I told you so they already probably feel bad enough for what they did. So you come alongside them and say this phrase in this motivational response and then no worries, let’s chalk it up and move on. It allows for recognition in the moments that they understand that they messed up, and at this point, maybe they apologize, maybe there’s a need for an apology, that’s cool, but then you just move on because now you’ve created a positive environment to get out of that stuck place and take a different course of action, and you can even do it together. It’s awesome. You can even try this next one, which I’m just going to try to you, I’m going to call it the human response.
Okay. It’s like, “Man that didn’t go like we thought!” This could be something funny that happened. Maybe not seriously. You know, hey, that didn’t go like we thought, at least I wasn’t videoing you with my phone or something. You know, hashtag JK. Just kidding but Come with me. We’ll figure this out together. Yeah, then you can flip it at the end there but you can throw a little humor in there too, because some people might feel a little embarrassed, but it’s okay, though. I mean, you have to understand the human condition. Understand that humor is like an every single frickin part of life. It’s okay to laugh at what somebody else did because if you’re doing it from a loving and compassionate place, it is most likely that whoever did that embarrassing or thing or messed up that they’re going to start laughing with you? Because you’re saying, “You know what, we’re gonna figure this out together after you made a joke and just saying thank ‘God, I wasn’t videoing you.’” Okay? It’s okay. Because you’re putting yourself on their side of the table, right then in there saying that, you know what? I understand. That was pretty funny and we can laugh it off together, let’s shrug it off and move on. It’s pretty cool.
The third one I got for you today instead of an I told you so. Is it we’ll call it the ‘been there’ response, meaning that you have done something similar. But in a similar situation, it could go something like this, like, “Wait, what? Do you think that this is bad? What you did you know how many times I’ve done even worse.” So it’s putting yourself in this level playing field with that individual and helping them understand that you know what, we’re all human, we’re all going to mess up, and that’s okay because this is for a situation where maybe it didn’t affect you, in any way, or really, and this is probably most of them. I’m gonna say this out right now, a lot of what I told you so is that come out, are in these circumstances to where whatever happened, has no life changing negative impact whatsoever, and that I told you so doesn’t even belong there in the first place because the only reason to say it, is to give yourself superiority over that person for no good reason whatsoever. Because I am sure that you have messed up just as bad, if not worse, as them. So have some compassion and that’s what this response is saying, “Do you know how many times I’ve done even worse, all right, we’re cool. Let’s go get a coffee or something.”
The last one, to flip this and eliminate the phrase I told you. So from your speech, I’m going to call this the political response, okay? Because this could be one, it’s a situation that might actually have some lasting effects. Let’s say it’s in your job, and you’re managing somebody, let’s say it’s in a strong relationship, and it’s actually going to cause maybe some financial hurt or something, maybe your partner made a choice that wasn’t so good with some money. Okay? This is really for those types of scenarios, because this is something that’s going to allow faster reconciliation, whereas the I told you so does not even allow for that it doesn’t create space for that, this is to create an environment that allows reconciliation, where you can move past it, and deal with the consequences. Okay, this is the political response, you ready? Like, “Hey, how about next time, you want to do something like this, we get maybe some external insights. Now, this was frustrating for both of us. So next time, we’ll do it together. Is that cool?”
That’s acknowledging that you know what, this is going to cause something in the moment, but you’re still having compassion for their humanity and the reality that, yeah, they screwed up, and yes, it affects you. It affects both of you but you’re still looking for the reconciliation at this moment, because you still want to get past it because remember this, if you don’t use these examples, responses, and you throw out and I told you, so that also keeps you stuck in that moment, too. Is that something you want? I would hope not. So do this today and start to make a conscious effort. I gave you four examples. I’m sure you can come up with some more, but eliminate. I told you so. From your speech forever.
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