Influence VS. Control

Today, I’m going to ask you to please share this out with at least three people. I’m going to bust the myth today. That’s why you’re going to want to hear this along with all of your friends and people who I’m sure are going to pop in your head along the way, right. Now, I’ve done a lot of personal work on myself. I think it’s very, very important to do that. I have had coach after coach actually, right now I even have geez, what are the three coaches that I work with presently, and several mentors that I can bounce things off of, it’s very, very important to have a multitude of counselors around you, in life in business, especially in business. Even last week, I was at an event and I spoke. I filled in for Kevin Harrington, who’s a mentor of mine, he’s also on the board of my company, and just an amazing, amazing friend as well, and he was sick, and I filled in for him for his talk slot, you know, I went up on stage, I really moved the crowd, it was pretty amazing. 

Still, this is a mastermind that both he and I are members of and on the final day, they were going around, and they were saying, hey, what’s the one of the one things you pulled out of this week, and you’re going to take back with you, and for me, it was this? You know, because one of the reasons I stay part of this group, part of the Board of Advisors, is the wisdom that exists there. Now I’ve done some pretty big things, you know, a lot of successes. I’ve also, I’m continuing to do really big things right now. And that’s what I said to the group, it’s like, you know, I know, it’s easy to look at me and say, “Oh, my God, you know, Rick, just crushing it there,” and I love when he speaks,” and this is what they sense, like, you know, time after time after time again, over the two days after I spoke, like, man, thank you, you really inspire me, man, thank you, you really gave me the kick in the pants. I will just say “You’re welcome.”You know, it’s a compliment to you as one when you hear these things, and you’re onstage and you’re able to motivate people to take action, which is one thing I really, really love to do to actually take action to do something, right to make a choice to, to make a shift to take control of something or realize that you have control over what’s going on that everything is in your control, and that’s the phrase that I want to center on. 

After I said this, as we were going around in that circle, I said, you know, the one thing that I really appreciate is from people who I see as mentors to me, in this group, of course, Kevin is one of them. But then there’s other individuals that have maybe about 20 years beyond me, and I’m like, You know what, I’m 42, and I am looking up to people who are in their 60s At this point, you know, and 70s At this point, because the wealth of knowledge that they have, is just absolutely incredible to me, and they are in a mode in life, to where they are just giving back. 

All they want to see is see people like me succeed. It’s mind blowing. And I’m so grateful for people like that in my life. Like Jimmy Ralph’s and Stan Paget’s and Kevin Harrington’s, and Darren Jacqueline’s for all these mentors, you know. So I have these mentors, and I have these coaches that I work with, and coaches that will go through mindset things with you, which as you know, you’ve been listening to me for a while, if you have, I am really, really big in a mindset. There’s shifts that you have to take to where you realize that the choice is actually yours, and I’ve said this over and over again, that the choice is really yours, and even the lack of making a choice is still a choice, because you’re choosing to stay where you’re at right now. Then there’s this caveat, because it sounds all good on Instagram and clips, and other things, you know, short stories and these things that can go viral that have gone viral on my feed, you know, it’s like the choice is yours. If you’re not making a choice, you’re still making a choice, all these things. But here’s the real talk about this is that for the most part, that is 100% true. I sound like a frickin Anchorman now, right? 

The Brian Fantana that says like, 60% of the time it works all the time. That was sex Panther. That was the Cologne if you remember right, it was pretty, pretty hilarious, right as he opened up the Cologne cabinets. There’s this thing though, because I was talking with one of my people the other day, and I was like, “Dude, it’s okay.” Now, this doesn’t come out of my mouth often because something was just going a little awry. A little crazy, and I’m like, “You know what, there’s some things that you can’t control. There’s things that you can influence of course, and probably almost everything in life, you can influence and there’s the majority of things you can control. 

So in life, the majority of things you can control. The remaining portion, for the most part you can influence, and the last bit, you absolutely can’t control. No joke, right me having twins. Okay, that was Janus’ thing. It’s a hereditary thing. I can’t control it. It just happens how she was made, right. It’s a condition called hyper ovulation. If you didn’t know, that’s actually how fraternal twins are born. That’s the hereditary thing. And it’s only with the woman because they release more than one egg at a time. It can’t even influence it, just something you can’t control. Right? Tornadoes dropping from the sky, can’t control it, can’t even influence it. Just, it’s something you absolutely can’t control, and some extremists might argue in that circumstance, and it’s like, well, you know, you could have not lived there, right? 

In Chicago, or in Oklahoma or Texas, it’s like, whatever. Okay, so maybe you can slightly influence it. Fine. But I, that’s stupid to think that you’re going to think about tornadoes, or even hurricanes from living in Florida or whatever is something that you’re trying to influence or control in your life. To me that’s a little overboard with situations like this, where I had a client, and he said, shook hands on the deal. You know, it’s like, awesome, solid price doing it, send me it, I’m signing it, you know, with the understanding, it’s like, cool, there it is, and then the very next day, literally 24 hours, that’s all it took to get the docs to them very quick, very fast return doesn’t sign it. I can’t control it. I can influence that, right. But there’s no way that I can control it, and from my understanding from the words that came from this dude’s mouth, that he was going to sign it. I can’t control literally putting his hand to that paper or clicking on Docusign. I can’t force him to do those things. Can I influence that one? Possibly. But I had gotten to the point where there was a yes, in sales. But then the next day, he just doesn’t know. It just doesn’t take action. Oh, like what the hell is going on here? 

It gets frustrating. These coaches that will tell you, you know, and they could have told me now I am really good in sales. Because I’m pretty factual. I’m straight up, you know, and I’ve gotten better, of course, as the years go by, and but there’s coaches that will tell me, no matter what happens in your life, it’s like you can always control it, you always have a choice, you know, and while that’s mostly true, mostly true. How do you control somebody who got cancer? Right, my grandfather passed away from colon cancer at age 73. That’s a hereditary thing. Absolutely nothing he could have done in lifestyle, diet, or anything else. My dad, my own father passed away when I was just 16 years old, he was 46. Because of a genetic thing, leukemia, CML, a form of leukemia, there is a chromosome that flips like it connects in a reverse fashion, on conception. So literally, when the sperm and the egg combined, is when this happens, and then the condition like activates sometime in middle age, can’t control it can’t influence it, no matter what. 

I hope you’re picking this up today. Because things that happen, there’s still crap that can happen to you, that is of either no fault of your own, or of somebody else’s, and it can still impact your life. If you ever have a coach that just comes at you and says, Well, it was your choice, you know, no matter if the situation was crazy, no good choices will help you understand and decide for yourself, and this is important, I want you to hear that good coaches in your life will help you come to your own determination. If you can control it or influence it, they will not tell you a good coach will not tell you that you could have controlled it, or you could have influenced whatever that situation is, they will help you a good coach will help you make that determination on your own. Because it’s really up to you in your own power to know if you can control it or influence a situation or if there was that small percentage that you could possibly never have control of no matter what. Right, so a good coach and when you look for coaches, when you look for mentors, yes, you want people who will give it to you straight? You absolutely do.

I appreciate that about my mentors and my coaches that I work with. But if you ever have a coach that says, Oh, you could have control that or you you could have influenced that, you know being like that no wrong, fire that coach immediately, because a good coach will help you come to these realizations and these decisions on your own to where you are making them rather than being told what you should have should or should not have done. I hope you’re tracking this with me today because this is important, especially for your growth at this moment. So if you’re considering getting a coach or you look up to a mentor, if someone is telling you that you You should have controlled that. Or you should have influenced that. That’s a bad coach. A good coach will help you make that decision, that realization on your own, and that’s what you have to look for, because that’s your new growth point coming to these things. With help. That’s what a coach is, right? 

A coach is somebody who helps you get to that point, not somebody who frickin pushes you over to that point, a good coach will be there to guide you a good coach will be there to help you see things that you may not have seen by literally just kind of turning your head and saying, hey, it’s right there, just a little bit over to the right. Then you see it on your own. Right, they can’t open your eyes for you if they turn your head and you still have your eyes closed. Just like I could not have grabbed that client’s hand with a pen in it, shove a pen in it and forcibly made him sign that thing. A good coach cannot make you open your eyes and is not going to hold your eyelids open. You still have to do it on your own. With the help of that individual, they can point you in the right direction. But you are still the one that has to open your eyes. I love you. I appreciate you. Go ALL IN.

Episode References: 

Mastermind

Board of Advisors

Kevin Harrington

Jimmy Ralph

Stan Padgett

Darren Jacklin

Anchorman

The Brian Fantana saying

Hyper Ovulation

Colon Cancer