Let’s Talk About Your Reaction

Watch the episode here:

What’s shaking? Hey, I’m Rick Jordan, and today we’re going all in. Are you triggered? You know, maybe you’re not today, but I know you have been. I know things have been in a situation, in an argument, in a conversation, it’s like, oh, there it is. It’s part of life, and I want you to understand today that it’s okay to be triggered. It absolutely is okay to be triggered, because there are things that are triggering in this world that we live in. You know, anger is actually a healthy emotion when it’s directed in the right way. You know, because it can actually be you can be mad, you can be sad when you’re triggered, but there are certain things that I’m going to say today that you shouldn’t be, and it’s not taking away from your emotions, because your emotions are valid. I need you to know that your emotions are valid. Whatever you feel is just what you’re feeling. It could be based on something that’s not reality, that’s possible, and at the same time, your feelings are your feelings because you are you need to understand that it’s okay to be triggered because things can hurt, you can be mad, and you can be sad, but there are still some things that you should not do. 

So this episode is a little bit about emotional maturity today, because when you’re mad, when you’re sad, when you’re triggered. Probably the worst of us comes out. It does, I know, it doesn’t me, you know, and you start to say things, you start to do things, and you start to just, some people, like, black out. Other people will just literally, like, go, you know, just in the wrong way. I mean, it’s okay to take space, but at the same time, just completely getting out of an area, you know, without any kind of communication about a return or something like that, that’s not good. That’s not healthy. And depending on the situation, it can actually be pretty detrimental to you. You know, especially, I mean, if it’s in a relationship, the relationship could end because of some of these things that I’m going to talk about today, because of how you begin to act and behave, or rather, even better, how you react to your triggers. Or maybe even in a job, you know, because it’s not good in those scenarios too, because you’re not going to be able to get along and be collaborative with everybody. 

Now, hear me on this. It’s okay to be triggered, but today we’re going to talk about the reaction to those triggers. It’s okay to be mad, it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to be triggered, and you still can be that way and continue to be that way, while preserving yourself and your dignity and the way that you are and who you truly are without doing some of these things, okay, because you can be triggered and still not yell and talk over your partner. It’s actually kind of crazy because when people are mad, like coming from a trigger, somehow, voices get louder. And this is something going back to my dad, that I always saw that it was just not that way with him. I don’t even remember him yelling very much, and that’s the same with me. I have not historically yelled much at all in any kind of an argument, you know, unless I just get over the edge and I kind of lose my grip on where I’m at in the moment. And again, that’s not, that’s not, I don’t ever see that even in me, as an appropriate reaction to what’s going on. Because how can you say that’s nothing but escalation in that? I mean, because then people try to be louder than the other. You interrupt each other. Nothing ever happens. You can be triggered and still not yell or talk over your partner. You can also be triggered and still not call them names or attack their character. I just did an episode a little bit ago, within the past couple of weeks, on signs of a toxic relationship, and that was one of them. It was character assassination. 

You should go back and listen to that episode after you’ve heard all these things today, but calling somebody names or attacking their character, maybe you’re in the receiving maybe you’re doing that right. That is one of the most disrespectful things you could possibly do to another human being, because names are just names. It’s not labeling how they’re acting, right? But when you do that, when you when you call them names and attack their kid, that’s actually them themselves, not the act of what they do they’re doing, because they could be doing something that is very, very hurtful, and that’s what caused you to be triggered at the same time, when you start to fire back, focus on the situation and their actions and their behaviors, not the actual person, because you can be triggered and still not call them names or attack their character. Another thing not to do when you’re triggered is to bring up the passes ammunition. This is something that’s actually easy to do because, I mean, you talk about forgiveness, right? And forgiveness is moving on, right? Some people say Forgive and forget. 

I’m sure you’ve heard that phrase, let’s be real. You really don’t ever forget, but you can take those learnings and you can actually let it go, because you’re not what forgiveness means is you’re not holding it against them. It still happened; all it means is when you forgive, and this is powerful. Hear this: when you forgive, it means the past does not apply to the present or the future. Real forgiveness is when the past does not apply to the present or the future. When somebody says, I’m going to do better. We talked about that in that same episode A while back. This is almost like a sequel, it seems. Is when you own it, or when your partner owns what’s going on, and they apologize and take responsibility for it and say, I will do better. They’re not going to be perfect. You know, sometimes there are certain situations where it can flip like a switch, and you know what? Will that wrongful behavior never happen again from that individual? That’s awesome, right? But you have to give them the chance, because if they say that, you still have to be observant, you still have to validate, you still have to see if they’re actually going to go through with what they said, and they committed to absolutely. But don’t bring up the past. 

Now is now, and real forgiveness is where the past does not apply to the present or the future. The last one, and this is a big one, because it’s sometimes it feels good to vent. I mean, if you have a safe person or two, that’s not what I’m talking about when I say this one because you can be triggered and still not gossip about them to friends or family, so that, for one specific reason, that those friends or family take your side on this, I actually pray that you have real friends, that if you do talk to those safe people, which are hopefully real friends of yours, that they’ll actually call you on on your bullshit also. So, where, if they say, ah, you know what, I can maybe see his point, or I could kind of see her perspective on this. That’s not really what you’re doing it. But if you get triggered in that moment at your safe friend calling you out on something like that, and saying, you know, I really can see the other side. I think that’s just a blatant red light for you, that there might be something up with you, or even your trigger which focuses back on you. And you know what? It never feels good. It absolutely never feels good. But it’s real, because maybe there’s one thing that you could alter in the way that you take things, or maybe that you perceive things, that can make all the difference in the world. It’s okay to be triggered, and there are certain ways that you can react and still retain your dignity, your self-worth, and your esteem.