People Pleasing and Wanting to Be Loved

Watch the episode here:

• Mental health rules when it comes to others
• That explaining can become over-explaining
• It’s draining trying to please everyone
• It is NOT your responsibility to manage others’ emotions
• When you reserve the energy, you show people your best
• Who DESERVES the explanation?

What’s shakin’? Hey, I’m Rick Jordan, thanks for being with me, because today we are going all in. I got excited over that right there because today we’re gonna talk about, geez, people can just get under your skin, right? So today we’re gonna talk about mental health rules when it comes to other people, and there’s this thing that comes, it’s like you feel, and I’ve felt at this moment or moments in time where I’ve wanted to explain myself to everybody, and it actually became like overexplaining to a lot of people. It’s just, it’s just because, and I’ll, I’ll tell you why you get into this mode, and for me, it was this, I wanted them to first know that I’m not a jerk, right? That, that I actually have some kind of compassion. And if they just understood my thought process behind my decision, they would know that I’m not being a jerk about this. 

Because when you do something people could sometimes sink, you’re a jerk because they don’t understand your motivations, your intentions behind it. And sadly, most people do not assume good intentions on everything that people around them do because of trauma, because they’re just cynical people, whatever, right? Though that was the thing, it’s like I wanted them to understand that I was a good guy, that I wasn’t a jerk. And the second thing is I wanted them to understand that there’s actually like thought process in the first place that went into this. That it isn’t just, you know, that, that I do what I mean, I say what I mean. And I do things, you know, out of intention all the time. You know, whether it was good or bad. It’s always out of intention. And for me, it’s always out of good intentions, but still that it’s just not, I’m making snap decisions just to make snap decisions. 

Like I’m dismissing their emotions or their feelings about something that I’m doing. So I didn’t want to seem dismissive either. Like there was actually real thoughtful thought that goes into my choices and my decisions that I make because whether they’re like instant decisions or they take, you know, sleeping on it, there’s still good intentioned and really thought out thoughts about what I’m actually deciding on, you know? So when this happened, it’s like, I, I, I would spend all this energy, right, going around just a, and this is really what it is, going around and managing others’ emotions as it pertained to me, right? I wanted to give the right perception of stuff, and I was going about it the wrong way by overexplaining a lot of these things. And let me tell you this, it is fricking draining. It is really draining to try to manage emotions. 

And the thing is, is that you don’t even really know how that person’s gonna respond anyway. They might just be like, oh, okay. Or they, you, they might go down a deep, dark path, but the thing is, it’s not your responsibility to manage their emotions on this. It takes up so much energy. You have to preserve your energy for yourself to be the best of who you are. Because the only way people are gonna see really who you are, actually see who you are is when you are the best that you are. When you reserve that energy for yourself to be the best, not to explain to other people that you are good, but to actually put action into being good. That’s a drain on energy When you overexplain to people or try to manage their emotions, what you think their response might be to whatever it is that you’re doing. 

Now, there’s a public perception in PR when it comes to business or politics or, or, or public figures, whatever. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about people around you, right? And trying to manage those things with people that you have relationships with or friendships with, or people that work for you or people that you work for every day. Life is what I’m talking about. Managing the emotions of others is draining as fuck. And it’s not something to continue doing, it’s something to stop right now. So here’s how you do this, okay? This is, these are my rules for mental health rules. I’m preserving your energy, all right? You have to l learn to distinguish because as of today, going forward, I want you to do this right? Say, no more people pleasing, say it right now. No more people pleasing. All right? The second one is, I will not manage the emotions of others. 

Ready? Say it with me. I will not manage the emotions of others. So what you need to do, and this is the applicable part of what I’m telling you today, is to preserve your energy and your mental well-being so that you have all the energy to focus on being the best you possible. And then the right people will see that you have to learn to distinguish three things. The first thing that you have to learn how to distinguish is who deserves an explanation. Now, as I was talking before, when I was saying you’re managing the emotions, and I, I would, I would go down the path of overexplaining where I was coming from, you know, but even more so just the explanation in itself. Not everybody deserves an explanation. People that are closest to you, that you’re, that you’re involved in a good relationship with, you know, partner, uh, kids, uh, best friends, whatever, you know, or somebody that, that you’re trying to do business with, you know, that seems like a really good opportunity that you’re, you have this budding whatever kind of relationship with, whether it’s business, personal, whatever. 

The first thing is to learn to distinguish who deserves an explanation. Now, that is your choice to figure that out according to your own ethics, not what somebody else expects of you, because obligation does not belong here. I’m telling you that obligation does not belong here in learning how to distinguish these things. It’s who you feel ethically, or emotionally that deserves an explanation. That’s the first thing to distinguish, is number one, learn to distinguish. Who needs an explanation? Who deserves an explanation? Right now, that need is determined by you. Whoever deserves it is determined by you. That’s number one. Number two is learning to distinguish. Who deserves an answer? Only learn to distinguish. Number two, who deserves only an answer? Not an explanation, but just an answer right? Now, this could be something like people that work for you or, or those that you work for, is, you know, in a business environment or when you’re saying yes to a deal or saying no to a deal, or start, you know, bringing on new customers, what whatever it is, is you’re, you’re determining and distinguishing who deserves an answer, only because you do not owe an explanation to everybody. 

But some people, in order to accomplish what they want, according to their own decision, might deserve an answer, just an answer, an answer only, and that’s it. You just give them an answer and then you move on, and then you execute, you move to the next step, whatever it is. This is very common in business, right? I loved, at least, I used to the same thing, like, like overexplaining, and this is something that I’ve learned over the years in business. It’s like, here’s my decision, and then that’s it. Some people ask why? I’m like, this is just my decision. I expect you to carry it out. There’s a long thought process that’s gone into it. I’m not going to get into that. I’m preserving my energy on that because I just need you to execute on what I’ve decided. You know, there’s a, there’s a lot of people that don’t deserve an explanation according to what you have, but you’re distinguishing who deserves at least an answer or an answer only, and that’s cool. 

That’s number two. So the first one is to learn to distinguish who deserves an explanation. Number two is, who deserves an answer only? And then number three is learning to distinguish. Who deserves absolutely nothing? There are a lot of these that are out there. I would guarantee you that this is probably the most of the people that are around you, especially in business or as you’re going through a huge growth cycle in your life. If you’ve had a lot of friends, you know, if they truly knew you and truly cared about you, they would understand that, that, oh, well, there’s just stuff that they’re doing right. And it’s up to you to decide these three things and distinguish between these three different types of people who are in your life. Because there are a lot of people, especially as you’re growing on social media and all this other stuff, you got thousands of friends, you got thousands of followers, whatever. Not everybody deserves even an answer, let alone an explanation. A lot deserve absolutely nothing. And that’s okay because that’s you preserving your energy to be the best that you can be. Then going into an over-explaining mode where you’re managing others’ expectations over something that may not even be there how they’re feeling, or even if it is, it’s something that will pull away and just suck the energy, the life force right outta you at that moment. Protecting your energy is one of your greatest efforts and priorities to have in your life. 

So preserve your mental health and no more people pleasing, learn to distinguish one who deserves an explanation. Number two, who deserves an answer, only just an answer? And three, who deserves absolutely nothing? Go ALL IN.