About the Episode
Some days you just feel anxious about someone’s thoughts, whether it’s about what they are feeling or thinking.. You start to create a story where they are mad at you, just because you feel a vibe. But the stories we make up in our heads, about other people’s thoughts, can be so far from accurate. The way to stop this starts with some easy steps… like starting with a simple question of asking their opinion on the situation.
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- Assumptions with the feelings of others
- Story telling yourself
- Taking action from a rational place
- Communication – Asking the simple questions
Hey what’s shakin’, welcome back. I’m Rick Jordan, your host and today we’re going ALL IN.
This topic today I’m going to talk to you about, you’re probably going to want to share this with a lot of people. Because it’s something that I know everybody experiences. When you sit and start to think and you let yourself feel angry towards somebody, or some sort of emotion that you feel towards anybody, I mean, it could be somebody close to you in a, in a friendship, or romantic relationship or partner business, whatever. And you start to think it’s like, “Man, I’m just agitated in some way, or I’m feeling down or I’m feeling on edge, or I just feel anxious about something.”
And then, here’s what happens, right? Because it’s usually something about what you think that other person is feeling or thinking, or actually going through these crazy thoughts or making things up in their head. And I’m talking like, you might think that somebody is mad at you, okay, like, you think, “Oh, man, they gotta be mad at me.” Or you like feeling out of vibe, right? And you just say, I can feel this person, they feel, which is true, I believe that because science can measure quantum energy coming off of our bodies, I truly feel that we can react to different energies that are put out from people.
But when you start to think about things, and you start to go down these rabbit holes of, “I wonder what they’re thinking, I wonder what they’re feeling, maybe they’re mad at me, maybe they’re upset with me, maybe they’re, they’re not happy with me right now. Or maybe there’s, they’re just having a bad day, because or maybe they’re in a bad mood, you know, maybe something happened, or whatever it is.” In these moments, you start to actually start to react this way, when you think these things and you begin to play off of these emotions that you think the other person is feeling about you. Even though you don’t really know.
And I know you’ve fallen into this before, because everybody does it. It’s natural. I mean, you read facial expressions, you hear a tone of voice, and something just seems off. And then that dictates how you interact with that person for the rest of the day, the rest of the week, sometimes for even extended periods of times, especially in romantic relationships, because you start to formulate these things based off of this one moment in time. Or even maybe a phrase that somebody said, in addition to facial expressions or tones of voice, or things you hear about this person, how they’re reacting or acting to things, and then you start to almost guard yourself, it’s like you’re expecting some kind of blow up.
And I’ve had times where I felt this way too, but lots of different people to where it’s like, oh, man, they’re putting up a weird vibe. You know, “Oh, did you hear that tone of voice? Or why did they just say this? I bet you’re thinking this, they’re probably feeling this, you know what, then I gotta go do this, I’m gonna stay away from this person for awhile, I’m gonna give them some space.” How many of you have thought that before? “Right, I’m just gonna give them some space, because they seem like they’re off what you could be right?”
Because when you’re with a person for a long time, friendship, relationship, romantic relationship, you start to be able to read those individuals, you start to learn them, what their facial expressions are. However, there’s still moments to where the stuff that you’re thinking that they are feeling about you, or whatever, is just completely made up in your head.
Did you hear that? You are making it up.
There’s two questions when I start to feel this way. When I start to think these things and be like that person’s off, I’m just gonna stay away from them to give them space. There’s two questions that I asked myself. And you have to get to the point and this is some kind of emotional awareness. And the only way to do this is start to actually say today from now on, right from this moment and speak this out loud because words have power. Speak this out loud, like “From now on, I will pay attention to my feelings.”
Did you hear me say this to yourself right now. Stay with me. “I will pay attention to my feelings.” One more time. “I will pay attention to my feelings.”
If you choose to let them ride and not pay attention to them, that’s when you can start to create all of these things in your own mind that are just not real about what that other person is feeling or thinking about you And then you start to give them space and you start to create disconnection or distance, because you’re not really sure. But you’re just thinking these things and you haven’t paid attention, your emotions, because most of the time, most of the time, some of the things that you can be feeling towards another person, you’re actually projecting onto them, because you’re feeling them yourself. That’s most of the time.
So the first question you want to ask yourself, now that you’re paying attention to your feelings from today forward? Is the question. “Is this me?”
Did you hear that? The question to ask yourself when you feel these things is, “Is this me?” Or even better? “Could this be me?” Meaning Are you the only one that’s feeling this way? And that’s the question to ask yourself, “Could this be me?” Because the answer to that question is? “Well, yeah, it could be maybe.”
And as soon as you start to entertain that possibility, you can go one step deeper. And this is the power of this. Because once you recognize that, whatever you’re feeling that that other person is doing, or feeling or thinking or whatever it is, as soon as you pay attention to your own emotions on this, you start to realize that this could maybe be just you. And this is the start of emotional awareness. And the start of emotional intelligence is when you start to think, “yeah, I guess it could be me. Maybe?” You still don’t really know. Right? You still don’t know who it actually is. And then the second question of follow up with that, after you’ve already said, “yeah, maybe it could be me.” And sometimes you might have an answer to that question already. Because you know, people’s expressions, their, their words, and everything, you might be able to determine how they’re feeling by their actual actions, and be able, on rare occasions, get this is the minority, right to where you could ask the question of yourself, “Could this maybe be me?” You might be able to answer that question. “No, not at all.”
But you have to be honest with yourself, because the truth is the truth. And the truth is always a good place to start. After you’ve answered the question, could this be me with? “Yeah, maybe maybe it could be me.” The next question is, and this is about the other person, right? Where you think that they are feeling or thinking themselves as “Well, how do I really know?” If I think they’re mad at me? “How do I really know?”
If I think that they’re upset over something? How do I really know if I think that they’re creating some distance? How do I really know? And most of the time, in this moment, when you’re, again, honest with yourself? The answer to that question of how do I really know? The answer is, “I don’t.”
These are so powerful. When you start to recognize that you’re feeling a certain way. And you ask that self the question, you know, once you realize that, it may be could be me, and then you ask, okay, if I really believe, or I’m thinking that this person is thinking or feeling something about me, and I ask the question, how do I really know and you in the moment are honest and say, “Well, but I don’t.”
This is the beginning of discovery. Because at this moment, once you answer that question, with the “I don’t know, if they’re actually feeling this way, I don’t know. If they’re actually thinking this way.” Then in that moment, you can, you’ll feel your shoulders drop, you’ll feel your heart relax, you’ll feel all the tension inside be released. Because now you can take action from a place of being rational, rather than being emotional.
And even worse, emotional over things that might not even be real, or might not even be happening. Because that person is not thinking or feeling anything whatsoever that you are making up in your own head. The first question is, “Could this maybe be me?” And the second question is, “How do I really know?” If that person is thinking or feeling this? And when you answer “I don’t”, then you can actually start to think ways and it actually opens up the door for communication, because the best thing to do at that point is then to ask this person, whoever you’re interacting with just questions, simple questions.
And it could be “Hey, when you said this, but what did you mean? Or you know, I saw this expression on your face. What’s happening?” And when you allow them the opportunity, you open the doors for communication, for them to actually for real tell you what’s going on. Most of the time, you’ll find out that you’ve worked yourself up for no reason whatsoever. And now these two, we will call magic questions. “Could this maybe be me?” And then, in regards to how they’re feeling or thinking, “How do I really know?” And answering with “I don’t” you were on your way to opening doors of communication.
And in that relationship, that interaction, whatever it is, now, you’ll be able to go ALL IN.