Trauma Isn’t a Badge of Honor

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What’s shakin’? Hey, I’m Rick Jordan, and today we’re going all in. All right, there’s this buzzword that’s going around, and it’s something we didn’t really see, like a decade ago, but it’s gained a lot of traction in the past couple years, and that word is trauma. Trauma, obviously, everybody knows who’s listening right now. What that is, at least the concept of it like something has happened to you and it’s something that has stayed with you because it has now shaped your experience of the world, at least that’s how I will phrase it for you today. Is trauma is something that happened at a specific moment in time, right? And maybe repeatedly that scenario, because maybe it was a bad relationship, maybe it was a bad employer, you know, so, so you were in a scenario for a time period, or maybe it was just once right to where it was really bad, and that I feel compassion for people, you know, to where it’s like a rape or something like that, to where the it’s a single instance, but then that obviously that carries trauma, you know, or like in my case, where you have the death of a parent when you’re young, obviously, that carries trauma. 

It’s a one-time scenario that hits really, really deep, and then it starts to form your experience of the world. What I see now, you know, over the past couple of years, because it’s not a new concept, but now this word is starting to gain traction, and today I’m going to talk about the reciprocal side of this, which is what I’m starting to see is that it has now become this frickin buzzword. And it seems to me that everybody now has some sort of trauma, or traumas, that they like to present to the world as a reason for being the way that they are. So while it may be valid for that individual, for you, and for me that there was something legitimate that we experienced, right, whether we’ve worked through that or not, a lot of the things I have, I’ve sought out help to better myself, to put the work in for me to actually overcome those and start to kill some of the idiotic stories that I’ve created that have no basis in reality whatsoever, but it was based on that one single experience that I had, or an experience over time, which would have been the trauma. But then I say it’s idiotic, because now that I’ve worked through it, it’s like I look back. 

It’s like, man, look at all the years that I lost to this thing, you know, to where I could have been just more open, had a heart out there, and been able to accomplish more experience success a little earlier in my life because of these things. I look back, and it’s like, I call it stupid. But at the same time, I have compassion on myself too, and you should have compassion on yourself. You absolutely should always have compassion for yourself, because this is something that happened to you. You know, it’s not something that you chose in the moment when it was taking place. However, whether you were ignorant or not, it has to do with that it continued to affect how you viewed the world. It continued to affect your perspective. And your perspective is actually what creates your environments, your perspective of how you perceive these things. It’s a filter, right? Because first there’s emotion and then there’s meaning that you choose to give any given scenario, and typically speaking, when there’s a trauma involved. That, meaning that you can give to whatever is happening right now in the present has to do with the filter of your trauma from the past, unless you’ve put in the work to get over that. 

Now, what I’m seeing, though, and this is the stupidest BS ever for real, what I’m seeing is that these have now become this buzzword, this thing to have, like, it’s almost cool to have traumas, and it’s freaking stupid, okay? If this is you too, and you can tell if this is you, if you’re walking into places, and you’re like, “Oh, my trauma, my trauma.” And it becomes something that becomes like a dinner table conversation, or when you’re going out with someone, oh, you know, I have this trauma, you know? And this is why I am the way that I am. Stop, for real, freaking stop right now. Who cares? You know, if you’re going to keep talking about it over and over and over and over again, why don’t you start talking about the stuff that you’re doing for it over and over and over and over again? I want to hear about it. Yes, I want to have compassion for you and hear you in the moment and be like, “Oh, you know what? That must have really sucked and validated your experience back then. But I’m not going to validate your experience now. 

No way, no way in hell am I going to validate your experience now? Because it’s like you already have it if you’re talking about it; if you are talking about it, you have awareness of it, which means you should do something about it. If you’re just going to keep talking about it—my trauma, my trauma, my trauma—you are now in the role of a victim, which is extremely unattractive. It is extremely annoying. So catch yourself right now if you look in the mirror and be like, Stop it. I don’t know if you’ve ever said I just had this Chris Traeger thing. If you’ve ever watched Parks and Rec, he’s got the flu, right, and he’s in the hospital, and he’s trying to use the power of his mind, and he’s looking in the mirror. He’s like, “Stop pooping,” and he’s trying to get himself out. That’s what you need to do with your traumas. Stop talking about it. Start doing something about it, because people are going to start to hear you as the person that just constantly talks about this stuff, and it’s annoying AF, for real. It’s unattractive. Nobody really wants to hear it. If they’re friends with you, they’re just going to be like, “Oh, here it goes again.” They might not say anything because they might not actually feel like they’re close enough as friends to you to actually call you out on this. 

So I’m calling you out today. If you’re talking about it, you’re aware of it, which means you should do something about it. Now. That’s the end of that story. If you’re not aware of it, that’s a completely different scenario. So now that I’ve railed everybody for this, let me talk about the scenario where it’s like, Hey, you’re not aware of it. And this is something, if you can, if you keep asking yourself the questions like, why am I acting this way all the time? Like, once you start to become aware of your behaviors, that’s the first step, and I commend you for that. Constantly, always take a look at yourself in inventory of how you’re reacting to people, not acting towards people, reacting to people, high reactivity over a certain type of situation over and over again is definitely a signal that there’s probably something deeper there. So once you become aware of that, that’s awesome. I commend you. Now it started. Now you start to try to figure out exactly what that is, what that deep-rooted thing is, because I bet you, most of you, most of you listening, know you don’t want to stay that way. You want to be free of whatever this is deep down inside. 

You know that you are treating somebody poorly, for sure you do, and even in the moment, it’s like you have that little bit of remorse after. That’s the kind of place to start with this and be like, “Man, I’m aware of this.” I need to go get some help. I need to talk about this with somebody who can help me. And in that environment, that’s a very safe environment to start to explore these things and start to do work and start to put in the effort to become aware of what that deep-rooted thing is, because that’s when you can make the shift. And it’s beautiful. It is gorgeous. That is attractive, becoming aware and then doing something about it and seeking out to be better. That is very, very attractive. Everybody else around you is going to be like, “Oh man, there’s something different about you.” And you’ll be like, Yeah, I know. You know, I had this thing. And this is cool to talk about, not I got this trauma; that’s why I do this. I got this trauma; that’s why I do what I do. I got this trauma. So just shut up. The thing that’s cool to talk about is I have this trauma. I’m working through this. 

This is how I’m working through this, because I want to do better, and it’s awesome. If it’s in the moment of something, you can couple that with an apology in that awareness moment, and you’re actually telling a person, like, This is what I’m doing about it, because I want to be better. I want to do better. I’m aware of this thing now. I’m seeking it out, not using it as an excuse, but using it as a reason to help repair and to help reconcile. And then that other person will ultimately be like, Hey, what can I do to help you for real? Like, if there’s something that triggers you, I can help you. Maybe I can adjust something too, because now you’re making me aware of something that you’re going through, or really more so, something that you did go through way back when. Now you recognize that you have awareness, and you’re doing something about it. That is awesome; that will draw people to you, and that will form a stronger connection between you when you are constantly trying to work on yourself. Now this is something that doesn’t end. It never ends. Because you might have, like, little traumas, you might have big traumas, or whatever it is. 

And I’m saying these in a positive way right now, not like, Oh, I got this trauma. This is why I do this, you know, or I had this trauma, you know; this happened when I was young. It’s like, who cares? What I care about is what you’re doing about it. Because I genuinely am compassionate for you about what you went through, not about you talking about it right now as an excuse for how you just behave. No, I want to be there for you as you start to try to claw your way out of that belief system, as you try to claw your way out of that loop that you’ve been stuck in for years, maybe even a decade or more; that’s awesome. It’s like I can see you being free from this, and that excites me. What excites me even more is I see you taking steps towards that. That’s awesome. So if you’re in a job scenario and you start to. Walk into a meeting or whatever. Maybe it’s a one-on-one, a review, or an annual review, and, you know, I see these areas you can approve, and you start to be like, “Oh, you know, well, I have a trauma with that.” Shut the fuck up. For real. You have a job to do. You are there to perform. You are there to do the best you possibly can do. Not make excuses on why not? If you know, if you’re aware of that, but you’re not doing something about it. 

Don’t expect somebody to have compassion for you, especially an employer. You can express it to them in the way that I was just explaining to you. It’s like, you know what? I understand; I appreciate your observation on that. I want to do better. There’s a reason why, and maybe you maybe there’s some resources that the company has to help me with this. Maybe there’s, you know, does our medical insurance have counselor appointments on it, to where I can go somewhere for free? Is that a way that you might be able to help me? You will actually do that person a service for real. They will love that, because you are asking them for help that actually allows them to participate in your healing. It’s beautiful. It’s awesome. Reframe the way that you talk about the traumas because the annoyingness is done for you. It has to be you. You will stay stuck in that as long as you just continue to use it as an excuse and play around in the victimhood sandbox. Step over into the victor arena and do something about it, because everybody loves to be around someone that continuously tries to move forward with their life, and you can even allow them, by asking them for help, to be part of your healing.