Everyone is Lonely

What’s shakin’, welcome back, it’s good to be with you. Again, we always talk about some incredible things on this show and I’m glad that you’re here, I want you to share this out with at least three people today. Because this is going to level the playing field, okay, it’s some interesting perspectives. I’m going to talk about how the person that is doing better than you or worse than you actually has the same insecurities as you.

 

Did you catch that? The person that’s doing better or worse than you has the same insecurities as you, or if you see compared like two strangers, right, and one is in a different situation than the other person but all these insecurities come down to basic human needs. It’s very interesting. And we’re going to talk about a few of these today. Because I guarantee you that some of these are going to resonate with you today. And you might have a different perspective of that other individual in your life, or even of yourself. It’s pretty cool, because I know I did as I started to put some of these things together. 

 

Alright. So there’s this phrase, right, that you’ve probably heard before, and it’s like, more money, more problems. And, you know, that might be maybe kind of true, I don’t think so. Or, you know, like this other one, money doesn’t bring you happiness, or money doesn’t solve all of your problems. And I always love a tag to this that I’ve seen before is around likely, no, but it sure does help. Okay. 

 

But if you take a look at, and I’ll tell you a story here, if you take a look at a homeless person versus somebody that’s, you know, making, we’ll just say $200,000 a year, which is a damn good salary, okay, a damn good income, $200,000 a year. But the homeless person has basic needs of food, obviously, they don’t have shelter, they have other things that you know, medical needs, you know, which really is like safety and security, which are two very basic human needs. And then the third one is really connection. So we’ve got safety, security, and connection, right? Safety means, like, I’m not going to die, right, or I have a safe place to go security means that things are really going to be consistent in my life, the things are not going to change. And then connection is this longing that every single human being has to be connected to somebody, some people in their lives because we’re made to be social creatures. So when there’s money issues, right, you’ve got an executive making $200,000. It’s sitting on a bench. And I’ve seen this walking through the streets of Chicago, and right next to that individual is somebody sitting on a box that is sitting there right now, right? 

 

And if I were to walk up to the executive, I bet you they’re thinking about things like I have all these bills, I have these things that I need to cover, you know, I know because I’m wealthy, and I’ve had these same thoughts, like, “Oh, I’ve got to cover this, or I need another $100,000 to do this to pay a life insurance collateral call, or I need $50,000 to cover my taxes with this.” Imagine that right? Or I need, you know, all this other money. I’ve had these same thoughts myself, and right here is this homeless individual, that’s thinking the same thing. I wish I had more money.

 

I’ve walked up to homeless individuals, and there’s something I have about individuals that ask for things that are homeless or in need is that I’ll ask them questions. First off to make sure that they are, but I like to meet the actual human need. So this whole thing about “I wish I had more money” is actually a surface level thing. But it’s the same commonality for a human need of safety and security and connection. It always comes back to that. Safety could be I’m going to survive, right, which comes down to food, right? Because the wealthy dude is saying, “Man, if I don’t make my bills, I could be like this guy next to me. Or I’m not going to have that safety in order to provide an income in order to provide food for my family and everything else.” I’ve had these thoughts, and the homeless person is sitting there thinking, I wish I had some money so that I could go get some food.

 

Isn’t that interesting? Now, I’ve walked up to, there was a story that I can tell you, I’m going to tell you, about this dude that was sitting right outside of a Chipotle in the city, it was on Wells Avenue. And I’m walking up to him, this is like right on jewelers row in Chicago because jewelers row is typically people that are going to spend a lot of money, and there’s a Chipotle right there. And I walk up to my car, and I always want to help people, anybody that’s ever been with me knows that I always reach out. And I love to form this connection, because somebody just walking up to an individual that’s a need, is fulfilling that human need of connection. It’s pretty awesome to experience this. And I’ll walk up to them and be like, “Hey, man, what do you need?” He’s like, “I just need some money for, like a hamburger or a taco or something.” And what I’ll always do is be like, cool, the basic human need of safety and security. 

 

Money is not a human need. Did you hear me? Money is not a human need. Money is a tool to provide you the things that you actually need as basic human needs. So like, “You know, my man, I’m going to go inside, and I’m gonna buy you three tacos. You want chicken or steak?” And this dude looked at me like, What the hell? And it just mind boggled me because this is a way to smoke out the people that want something for like, just for something else other than what they’re saying, right? They’re actually lying to you, because they hold so much value in money, and they don’t see it as a tool, but they like to worship this. And that’s my point with this is that both of these individuals, the rich dude, and the poor dude, are saying the same thing that I wish I had more money. But really, that’s surface level. That is completely surface level. They’re both saying, I want safety. I want security. I want connection. 

 

So when you get past that, I go right? For the core of things. And I asked, “I’m gonna go buy you tacos. Do you want chicken or steak?”

 

And this dude tells me to fuck off. Right in front of me. I’m like, “Alright, okay, cool.” So you know what I do, I go right inside, and I buy him some steak tacos. And then I come back out, and I hand it to him.

 

And in that moment, he looks up and he starts to cry. Because he really realized in that moment that this is a connecting moment, because his rejection of me, he was thinking that in that moment, he was looking for momentary happiness, you know, whether it was going to go buy a fifth of vodka, or something else, he was looking for this momentary release. And that’s why he was placing money in this position of worship. But when I met his need, his basic human need around safety and security and especially connection in that moment when he rejected that, because he was looking at surface level, that’s when he broke down.

 

So when somebody says, “Hey, I wish I had this.” Or you’re saying, I wish I had this, what are you really thinking because somebody else that you think has that, if it’s more money, or whatever it is somebody that you think has that actually has the same insecurity as you do. Because it all comes down to basic human needs. Isn’t that amazing? 

 

So no matter what you’re talking about in life, or what somebody tells you, or even the bullshit that you’re telling yourself, it’s probably not really what your need is. Because this is a deflection mechanism to keep us happy in the moment, rather than actually satisfying one of those very core and basic and fundamental and good things that are human needs of safety, security, and connection.

 

It’s interesting, because if you look at, you know, an influencer versus, you know, someone else, that has 1000s, or hundreds of 1000s, or millions of followers, and you look at an individual who might have like 600, or 700, or something like that on Instagram, or that many friends on Facebook, you know, and both of them can look at the same thing and say, you know, what, oh man, how often have you done this for real? How often have you gone to your story? Have you taken a look at a post that you’ve had on there, and keep refreshing, keep swiping down on the screen. And it’s just to see those light counts? Go up those comments to see people that are engaging with you, because you put something out there that might be something that, you know, you’re trying to celebrate because you accomplished something big. Or you might actually be putting something out there just to gain a response from somebody else. The woe is me kind of thing. I know people on social media that do that, by the way, I don’t engage with that. Or again, I could write to the core and bypass that surface level crap, and just get to the basic human needs of things. But both of these individuals that have 1000s, hundreds of 1000s millions of followers, and the person that has 50 friends, are still looking for the very same thing. They’re saying I wish I had more likes.

 

I wish somebody just double tapped, I wish I just had a couple more people pay attention. Because it’s basic human needs. Connection, security, meaning consistent connection, rather than the up in the down. And safety comes with all of that. I wish I had more likes, all of these things are about basic human needs.

 

Or what about this one, right? I’m not going to get involved, because there’s no possible way that I can change the world. There’s no possible way that I can help this person. When you and the person right next to you are actually thinking the same exact thing, but what if you both teamed up to help another individual?

 

Because you’re thinking right now, you know what, nobody’s going to help me. I know, that wouldn’t be the case. So you know, the reason they’re probably not going to help me is because they’re thinking that they can’t do it themselves. And that’s probably true. So they’re not going to help me out. Which means that I’m going to think the same thing. Because I need to try to provide my own safety and security and screw connection, you know, with somebody else to try to help somebody else. I’m not going to allow that to come into my life, either just because I’ve got these walls up, because nobody’s ever really done that for me. But the thing is that they’re thinking the same thing you are, I’m not going to be able to do it alone.

 

So just look up at somebody else and be like, “Hey, you know what, maybe together, we can accomplish this thing. Maybe instead of you know, like making choices for ourselves, we can make choices together for something. And we can actually help this individual or even help us. And together, there’s a way that we can grow past this. Together, there’s a way that we can continue to expand and continue to move forward. Rather than thinking about our own specific things. And saying that there’s no way that I can do this on my own. So I’m just not going to do it.”

 

What if you had somebody else to get your back? Somebody else that you could connect with, that could help you create that safety and security, basic human needs. You are thinking the same thing that the person two feet away from you is thinking, you are thinking the same thing sitting on that bench, that the person sitting on that box, homeless is thinking, you are thinking the same thing, scrolling through Instagram, as the person that has a million followers. Get past the surface level stuff. And let’s start attacking what is real, eliminate the bullshit and start to connect with people and start to allow yourself to be that person that can be the safety or be the consistency the security or allow somebody else to be that for you and get to the real core of what we are to do on this planet, for other people.

Episode References: 

Chipotle

Wells Ave

Chicago

Woe Is Me

 

Episode Topics:

• Safety, Security and Connection: Basic Human Needs
• Woe Is Me: Social Media
• Money is only a tool