About the Episode:
In today’s episode of ALL IN, I delve into the intricate dynamics of conflict in relationships and how to effectively navigate through them. I discuss the immense value of being the first to take action in three critical areas: apologizing, forgiving, and letting go. Drawing from personal experiences and psychological insights, I emphasize the courage required to apologize, the strength in forgiveness, and the joy found in moving on. This episode is not just about managing conflicts but transforming them into opportunities for growth and deeper connection. Whether you’re struggling with a personal or professional relationship, these insights will empower you to take the first step toward reconciliation and lasting happiness.
Listen to the podcast here:
Watch the episode here:
- Discover the power of being the first to apologize in a conflict.
- Learn how forgiveness can be a sign of strength, not weakness.
- Gain insights into the joy of letting go and moving forward.
- Transform your approach to conflicts in any relationship.
- Empower yourself with practical strategies for personal growth and connection.
What’s shakin’, hey, I’m Rick Jordan. Today, we’re going all in. Alright, today, I’m gonna give you some clues on how to maintain some inner peace. When you’re in conflict in your relationship, this is something that you’re going to need to hold on to. And it’s about being the first to do something. And you might start to have your brain going where that is. And there’s value in being the first to do some things as value and being the first to continuously build that bridge back, there’s value in being the first to move halfway, or maybe to even go further than halfway in reconciling some things. Whenever you’re in a conflict in your relationship, I get it, there’s triggers, there are emotions that happen, right, and you want the other person to realize what they’ve done to you, even though you might not have communicated it properly. And it could be to where you feel so hard to hurt that it’s very difficult to do this. But there comes a point in conflicts where there are standoffs.
And the only way a standoff ends is when somebody is the first. And there are three different areas that this has to do with. And I believe that all three areas have to exist, and somebody has to be the first in all three areas in order to fully reconcile. Holding on to this stuff is not something that is healthy for you, especially when it comes to days or weeks. And you can probably not, because if you don’t want to do these things, that’s the biggest difference, right? So what I’m telling you today is only if you want to, only if you want to be the first for some of these things. And if you don’t want to be the first it’s time to completely reevaluate some things. I tell you, when I take a look at at conflict in my life, it doesn’t bother me, because the only thing that can keep you from being the first in any of these areas is to restore connection to eliminate the distance, the only thing that can keep you from doing that is ego is pride. That sets which can be based in trauma, sure, because you’re like, Oh, I’m going to keep myself defensive and my walls up.
Because I’m protecting myself screw that the only way you’re going to eliminate the distance in any relationship or in any conflict is if you decide that you are going to be the first somebody has to, so why not you no matter what the hurt is if you want to, if you want that relationship to continue, and to can continue to grow and just have longevity, somebody’s got to be the first and it can shift off between you and your partner, that’s fine. But somebody’s got to be the first. And to be the first to do these things. Your ego has to die. The first one is, is to apologize. And this one’s tough for some people, because it’s like you might want the other person to first recognize what they are. So you’re gonna stand your ground, even though you know that you did some things. And you probably even feel guilty about some things. You said some things that you did. But you’re not going to be the first to apologize, no way because they did all this other stuff.
That’s ego. And I’m telling you this, the first who apologized, is the bravest. So if you’re a competitor, maybe this is something that you can flip the script on because you’re like, well, I’ll be the brave one. Absolutely. I personally have no issues with this whatsoever. Because you know what? It’s one of the first ways because once you have awareness of that, and you really are into that person, or you love that person, why would you not want to say you’re sorry if it’s truly the way that you don’t want to treat that individual? And you recognize that I just did some stuff that I didn’t really want to and I don’t want to I may suck today, I may be human. And I might do it again, no matter how much I commit to actually not doing what I just did. Regardless, I still did it. So I’m going to be brave. And I’m going to say I’m sorry. I’m going to be brave. And I’m going to apologize.
And I’ll tell you this, saying I apologize. This is psychological. I got this from Chris Voss his book has never split the difference. Saying I apologize is real. If somebody says I’m sorry, a lot. Anybody can say I’m sorry. But then I’m sorry, is just like words, whereas I apologize is almost like a deep feeling because there’s a reason behind it. There’s an awareness or recognition of what happened. The first to apologize is the bravest. The next thing that you’ve got to take a look at is forgiveness. Because after somebody apologizes to you after you apologize, it’s time to reciprocate. And this is the meeting halfway. This is an easy way to eliminate the distance because it’s like different sides of the coin. It’s the yin and the yang when somebody apologizes if that’s you and you’re the bravest. Now it’s time for strength. Because the first to forgive is the strongest. If you’ve got bravery and you’ve got strength, those are two things that can meet in the middle.
So if you’re like, you know what I’m going to step up, I’m going to man up, I’m going to woman up. And I’m going to apologize because I have the awareness that this is not the way I want to treat the person that I love. Like, I apologize. That’s not how I want to treat you. I understand that I messed up, and I’ll do better. Now that reciprocation from the other person is to forgive. And if that person is standing their ground, they’re not forgiving. You can also still be that strong person, you can be the brave person, and the strong person, the first to apologize that the Brit is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. You can be like, I know you might not be in a place right now where you’re ready to apologize. There are some things that you said some things that you did that hurt me. But I want you to know that even before you apologize and have awareness, I forgive you. Because I want to move forward, it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t want to see you do better, because I do want to see you do better. Still, I forgive you.
That can melt somebody right in the spot. No joke, when you forgive somebody before they’ve even apologized, that completely diffuses any situation. And you know what they might be idiots at that moment. And let’s face it, people can be idiots, especially in a conflict in a relationship, they can be stupid, I’ve been stupid. And it can be like, well, whatever, I didn’t do anything. What do you forget, there’s nothing to forgive. And then that says like, well, it’s okay, take the time that you need, just want to let you know, because if that person truly wants to stay connected with you, they’ll come back around, they might need 15 minutes, they might need an hour. But I’ll tell you what, anything more than anything more than like a time period between like, three to six hours, that’s not worth it, friends, if somebody stays upset with you for more than that without trying to at least discuss it and and talk about the differences or the disagreements in that area, and they don’t come back within three to six hours. That’s something that you’re going to have to really reevaluate, you absolutely should because that person should want to come back to you, no matter how much the hurt is, if it’s if they want to continue in the relationship with you, they should come back in under six hours to the table to be like, hey, you know what, I recognize some things that I did.
But you know, you hurt me in these areas, too. I appreciate your apology. Because if you’re the bravest, you already apologize and you recognize the stuff that you did to that person and also diffuse the tension because it’s like, there’s nothing more for them to say. And that moves us into this last one here when there’s nothing more to say because there has to be a time in a healthy relationship where you are okay with just letting things go. Rather than continuously keeping the fight alive, even though there’s been an apology, a sincere apology, and a commitment saying I’m going to do better. You might not know what that looks like yet, but the person like I’m going to do better. And there’s already been forgiveness. When that happens. The first to forget is the happiest. The first to let it go is the happiest, it allows you to come back down and then start the process of repair and rebuild. And that repair and rebuild might take just 10 minutes or it might take a day. But still, the only way to establish the repair and rebuild-free phase of this conflict is to not have the distance to begin with. This means there needs to be apologies there needs to be bravery. There needs to be forgiveness which means there needs to be strength and there needs to be forgiving or letting go. Which means that leads to happiness. No more distance. This is the best way to deal with conflict because the first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest and the first to forget or let it go is the happiest. Now go out there, rebuild, repair, and have an amazing day.
GO ALL IN.