You Say You Want To Change

Watch the episode here:

• Where change happens
• Change is looking for something different
• Change should be way less painful
• You don’t know the pain yet
• No excuses

Hey, what’s shakin’? Hey, I’m Rick Jordan. Today, we’re going all in. You say you want to change, or maybe someone else told you, it’s like, I’ll change, I’ll change for you. And I’ve talked about how the chain doesn’t change and doesn’t last unless it’s really for themselves. I listened to that episode A little while back. But today, we’re going to talk about that threshold, where change actually happens. This is something that was recently brought back to my attention and is so true because I see this in multiple areas of my life, where I just don’t see change, whether it’s in myself or somebody else. And you start to think it’s like, why am I continuously doing this to me? Right? If it’s something like me, why do I continuously tolerate something going on around me? And I start to, I mean, really, the problem always comes back to you anyways, it really does, right, and most other people are like a reflection of you in those areas. But when you see this thing and like man, I want to change, or you’re like, geez, I just wish that they would change. And I’m going to start to use a different word for change at some point in time, because change can be actually kind of confrontational, change can be scary. 

Change can cause people to become defensive, especially when they think that change is being substituted for that other C word called control, when really, that’s not what you’re talking about, right? But really, what you’re looking for, is you’re just looking for something different, right, you’re looking for something different than what is actually going on right now. Or to react in some way differently or to be in a different situation, or, or see somebody behave in a different way, or treat you differently. That’s really what you’re looking for, you know, or maybe see somebody who it just causes you hurt to see what they’re allowing themselves to go through. You’re like, why won’t you just make a different choice? You know, and you’re seeing this person go through all of these horrible scenarios. And there was a phrase from a coach in my industry that and was a story about landscapers. Right, I mean, just a really, really benign story. 

But it applies to so many different things when I heard this statement for the first time, and this is what we’re talking about today. Because it applies to so much more, like literally everything in life any kind of change, whether you want to make it or not. Right, the pain of staying the same, has to get worse than the pain of change. This is true. This is the fact in anything, this is how people work. This is how you work, the pain of staying the same has to get worse, are way more bad. Who cares about the proper English than the pain of the change? Of making that change? You’re saying, you know, why can’t I change? Why do I continue to tolerate this? Or why does this keep happening and everything, there’s a big reason for that. The big reason why you won’t change, or why you’re looking at somebody else, and they won’t change is because it doesn’t hurt enough yet. That’s just a fact. Because when they’re able to tolerate or you’re able to tolerate a situation or a person, or whatever. It’s not that painful, and it doesn’t hurt that much. But you’re looking at change because you really don’t want to be in that scenario. 

You really don’t want to be around that person maybe. And you’re taking a look at this. And it’s like you know what, but it’s okay, I think I can get through this, I think I can handle this. Right and you’re thinking it’s like the hurt that you’re tolerating and trying to cope with every single freaking day is something that you’re like, I can take it. And the only reason you can take it is because you’re thinking the pain isn’t bad enough yet. But it’s really that the pain isn’t worse staying there than what you think the pain of the change is going to be. Now some of this can come from just not knowing, right, because maybe you have an idea of what the pain of making that change will be. Or maybe you’re telling up this checklist in your head of things you have to do to be able to make that change. And you’ll make the man that’s just too much. It’s overwhelming. But you see it, it’s surface value. 

That’s all you’re looking at it as you see it at a surface value because you’re never really going to know until you get there. That’s just a fact you will never know exactly the amount of pain that it will cause to make that change until you get there. Now, here’s another fact about this too, because this might lessen the pain and if you’re looking at if you’re someone who’s looking to make a change, whether that’s in a job if that’s in a relationship, if that’s in a marriage, if that’s in a situation, whatever. If you’re sitting there and you’re hurting, and you’re just thinking Man, I really want something different but it’s not that bad because what I see as far as a change is going to be a whole lot worse. First off, that’s a story because you’ve never gone through it. Second, this is a fact, your choice to stay where you’re at right now is allowing the hurt to continue forever, forever. Whereas the change, the pain of making that change is already less just by this simple fact. And that the time of making that change is way shorter than forever. It’s like a blink in time, it might be just a day, or a month, or maybe the duration of whatever that changes how long it takes to make and go through the process is a year of shifting jobs, of burning that relationship of moving on to something better, maybe it’s a year, maybe you need more education, to shift that job. 

Maybe you need to go find, I don’t know. So just some other pathway with a marriage. Maybe you need to just think about a different relationship. Or maybe try some other people that are out there, that pain or change is actually a short period of time, a very short period of time compared to forever where you’re staying right now. That’s a fact, when you’re looking at the change, it is already less hurt than the pain of staying where you are right now, just by the simple fact of time. So where you’re at right now, you’re just thinking, No, it doesn’t hurt enough, start to become aware, start to think well, that’s if I make the change. That’s just a small time period. Because you know what, even if the change ends, there’s an ending to the change you want to make, and the chain change ends. And now you’re in a completely different situation than what you are right now. Now you’re in a completely better situation, a better job, a better relationship, a better life than what you are right now. That change is finite in the amount of time. And then you’re in what you actually want. Versus right now, wherever you’re staying put. Because you think that it doesn’t hurt enough yet, has actually gone on forever. no end in sight. no end in sight. So now here’s what I want you to do. 

Visualize yourself in the future. Right? Imagine three months, a year, 10 years, whatever. Right, and you’re in the same place that you are right now. haven’t changed. And you’re still feeling the same way. Realize how much you’re missing out on realize how much more you could have accomplished, realize how much more impact you could have made, how much more happiness you could have felt. And how frustrating it is to realize you never committed to the person that you are called to be. That’s the gap. As you visualize that, start to get uncomfortable and raise the level of pain where you’re at right now by thinking about all those things, what you’re missing out on what you could have accomplished who you could have been with how much more impact you could have made, how frustrating it is to realize that you never committed to the person you were meant to be. That’s the true travesty in this. Start to turn up the heat on your pain where you’re at right now. I think it was Malcolm X it says what you do not hate you will begin to tolerate. So start to hate where you’re at right now that will increase the pain for you to make the change because the change itself is way easier than staying where you’re at right now.

Go ALL IN.