The Light Switch Moment | Kim Becker

Episode Topics:

• Hear how one woman turned devastating loss into a mission that’s helped thousands of cancer survivors feel beautiful again.
• Learn the mindset shift that turns fear into gratitude and paralysis into action when life hits you hardest.
• Discover why focusing on what you have instead of what you’ve lost changes everything about how you approach challenges.
• Get inspired by someone who made her surgical team sing before cancer surgery because she refused to be a victim.
• Understand how helping others feel good about themselves becomes the fastest way to heal your own pain.

 

Rick Jordan  

What’s shakin’?. Today is a good day, and today we are going all in. I’m Rick Jordan, your host, and we’re gonna go into some amazing things today about giving back. And this individual that I have on today as my guest is all about that. You’re going to want to share this out with three people. So share this out with at least three people today and keep the keep the show going. That way we can impact more people. We’re above 250 episodes now, which is freaking amazing. Going three and a half years, most podcasts pod fade after seven episodes, and we’re just going to keep crushing it. Thank you, everybody all over the world, in 50 countries. For listening. That’s my little bit today, because I’m feeling grateful, and I think my guest is grateful, too. Kim Becker, welcome to the show. 

 

Kim Becker  

Thanks Rick for having me. I’m excited to be here. 

 

Rick Jordan  

Very cool. So you are co founder of Hello, gorgeous, of hope, Incorporated, right? Which is a nonprofit that restores beauty that cancer steals, right? Tell me a little bit about that. I mean, I’ve done my research, but it’s never as good as I’m sure as what you could say.

 

Kim Becker  

So, you know, one of the things that we have found over we’ve been in existence for 16 years, is that when a woman is diagnosed with cancer, it’s, it’s either the cancer itself or the treatment that steals everything that makes her feel like a woman. Everything, concealer, eyelashes, it can steal her eyebrows. It steals her nose hairs. If it’s breast cancer, it can steal her breasts. What we have found is we found a way to be able to replace many of those things. And I always say, I don’t promise that you’re going to look like Miss America when you when I get done with you, I just want you to look normal. Because if you look normal, and you feel normal, even during a time where it’s abnormal, you will participate in your everyday life, whatever that looks like, whether you’re a wife, whether you’re a mom, whether you’re a fortune, 50 CEO, whatever that looks like. I want to make sure that you don’t miss out on life, even though you’re going through that trying time

 

Rick Jordan  

That’s so awesome. Do you have a personal story that ties to this?

 

Kim Becker  

I didn’t I do now. So the story is that I was a hairdresser, and my dream was always to open a salon, and when we started the salon, my late husband said, I have the perfect name for the salon. We should call it, Hello, gorgeous. And I said, That’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard. And he said, No, no, it’d be really great, because every time you answer the phone, you get to say, Hello, gorgeous, and it’ll make people smile. And I said, No, it’s stupid. We’re not doing it. So we owned a salon for 10 years. We called it shavu, which meant hair in French, and I had this, you know, dream of these, you know, just this very upscale salon, and that’s what we created. So we had 17 stylists and massage therapists and receptionists, and it was awesome. But as good as that salon was, there was always something that was missing inside of me. I couldn’t tell you what it was, but there was just something that was missing. And I even loved, like, the three o’clock in the afternoon buzz, you know, all the chairs were filled, and there was just an energy that was in there that was amazing. But there was just something that was missing, and we’d own the salon about 10 years. And Mike and I were in the car having a conversation about, you know, I just know that there’s something more we should be doing. I know there’s something more out there. I don’t know what it is, but I know there’s something more. And all of a sudden it fell on my heart, and I said, I know what we need to do. We need to create a mobile day spa that will cater to cancer patients, this beautiful, elegant Palace on wheels that’ll just show up a few feet from her door and make her feel like a queen for a day during a time where she doesn’t feel very special. Well, any of your listeners that are business owners, you know, people have a misconceived notion about a business owner. They think that you grab all this cash and you throw it in your pocket and you, you know, live this very luxurious lifestyle, and that can’t be further from the truth. You know, just about the time we’d get a little ahead, the water heater would go out, or the furnace would stop working. So I’m pitching this idea to Mike about this mobile day spa, and he’s willing to do anything to get out of the salon after 10 years at that point in time. And then I looked at him, and I said, You know what? We’re going to do this for free. And I watched all the color run out of his face, and he said, How are we going to do this? And I said, I don’t know. I said, I don’t know. I just know this is what we’re supposed to do. So we continued our drive, and I kept, you know, pulling this dream out to him. And our son was three years old at the time, and we’d stopped at a McDonald’s play area. He’d woken up from his nap, and again, 10 years had been in between the time that he wanted to name the salon to this moment. And as we were walking into this play area, I grabbed a hold of Mike’s arm, and I said, You know what, Mike, this is supposed to be called Hello Gorgeous. So the salon was never meant to be called Hello Gorgeous. This is supposed to be called Hello Gorgeous, because that’s how these women deserve to be greeted. So we impacted, I can’t even tell you, and he didn’t really want anything to do with it, because he couldn’t see how it happened, but I will tell you that it became our life’s mission, and the transformations that we watched in these women were just absolutely incredible. I got we had two mobile day spas at one point in time. We we bought one in 2010 we were gifted. My dream was $250,000 vehicle. We had, you know. Ceramic tile floor and granite countertops and four flat screen TVs, and it was absolutely beautiful. And we had a local manufacturer, Monaco coach, donate that to us. And 2017 was a really rough year. We lost that mobile day spot to a fire in April, and then I lost my husband to septic shock to in June of that year, and so you just do all the things that you have to do. And our son was getting ready to be in high school, and so I had a two prong approach. It was to make sure that I kept the organization up and running after I lost my partner, my husband and my best friend, and to make sure that our son had a stellar high school career. That’s what I needed to do. Everything’s tricking along. And in 2019 I was diagnosed with cancer, and so you just your world just kind of stops. And here it was, 15 years of helping all of these women that had heard those words themselves, and then the tables got turned, and I was in the grocery store, in the frozen food aisle when the doctor called me and said, you have cancer. And so your perspective completely changes. You change the way you look at things. Now, all of a sudden, I’m faced with, I got to tell my child that his only living parent now has cancer. And so it’s just been a very interesting journey. I’ve learned to not ask why, as much as, what am I supposed to learn from this? And so because of the fact that I now have heard those words, you have cancer, I I do a better job at my job. I understand what it’s like to walk that path.

 

Rick Jordan  

Wow, that’s incredible. What type of cancer?

 

Kim Becker  

So weird story. It’s, it was actually a, it was, it was found in my colon, but it’s not considered colon cancer. I had done a I was supposed to have a colonoscopy of 50, so I’m a huge proponent for getting a colonoscopy when you’re supposed to. Mike died when I was 50. There were other things on my mind than my health, and so the insurance company came out and did, you know, a screening, and one of the things that they did was kind of like the cologuard test. And I was like, oh, yeah, you know, I’m 50 years old. I’m not on any medications. I don’t have high blood pressure. I’ll take all the tests you want me to take, because I’m fine. And I took the cologuard test, and they called and said, Something showed up. And so I went and did a colonoscopy, and they found the tumor. And so mine was really rare on the outside of the colon, the tumor grew and then poked in side, as opposed to it being growing inside the colon and then poking out. So I was really lucky. So fun story again, to any of your listeners. You know what life is your journey, and you get to fight it any way you want to. So I had made a decision that if I was going to have to have surgery, I was doing it my way. So, you know, the waiting room, pre op room, you’re supposed to have two people in there. I had 15, and I told both the doctor and the anesthesiologist. I said, this is what I want. I said, I’m not if I’m doing this, I’m doing it my way. I said, You guys are allowed to put me out. I said, but this is what I want. I want the entire operating room to be singing. Don’t stop believing, I said, and when you guys are all in full verse of don’t stop believing, then you can put me under so they were like, really? And I said, I’m not joking. This is exactly what I want. So we’re wheeling me down into the operating room tonight. One of my very good friends was there, and she had a Spotify playing, and had, don’t stop believing. So I get into the operating room and this operating room and the anesthesiologist goes, Look, you just heard. Don’t stop believing. I’ll play another journey song right now, but I’m not playing that one. And I’m like, okay, that’s fine, but you know the rules. So they got me all prepped and stuff, and honest to God, Rick, they played, don’t stop believing. The entire operating room was singing. And that’s the last thing I remember before I got put out. The next thing I know, I woke up and I was in recovery. And I thought, you know, what a lesson. You know, so many people, you don’t take charge, right? Too many, I think too many people spend life being passive, yeah. And I thought, I’m not doing it if I have to go under, God forbid I didn’t wake up. That’s the last thing I wanted to hear. Was my doctors and nurses singing, don’t stop believing. But I also thought too, who can listen to that song and not be in a good mood? I they were cutting me open. I wanted everybody in a good mood that day. 

 

Rick Jordan  

That’s incredible. Oh my gosh. Were they singing that when they came out, when you came back, too? 

 

Kim Becker  

Yeah. No, they weren’t. I was in a dark room in recovery, and had gotten sick from the anesthesia, so that would have been good too.

 

Rick Jordan  

Oh my gosh, that’s a crazy story. You know, my grandfather passed from colon cancer, the traditional kind. He was 73 years old. And I understand it’s, it can be a hereditary thing too, you know. So that’s, that’s two generations beyond me. So, I mean, I’m still, you know, about 10 years away from when they have to start screening every year, or something like that, you know. But I’m sure things have advanced, but yours was on the outside, right? But, I mean, it’s a even though it was an easier cancer, it’s probably not easy to just hear that kind of news in the first place.

 

Kim Becker  

That’s right. Well, and to go. So my husband was sick for a long time. He was diagnosed with the liver disease three years after we got married. Right? So there were a lot of hospital stays and emergency room visits, and I literally spent 20 years of our marriage advocating for him. And when he died, that was my fear. I’m like, here it is. I spent all this time caring for him, if something happens to me, who’s going to be there to care for me? And so luckily, I knew all the right questions to ask, actually, the doctors when I was, you know, advocating for him, people would say, Are you a nurse? I’m like, No, I’m a hairdresser. And they’re like, well, you’re asking. And I said, well, because when you live, eat and breathe this for 20 years, you can’t not have it. And so, you know, it’s the same thing. There’s so many different thoughts that go through your mind after you hear those words. And you know, I have a love, hate relationship with Google, because I, you know, the first thing I did was went to Google. I had myself dying, and when I was reading, you know, I had some lymph node involvement. I was stage four. I started a will. I took my sister out to lunch children for my funeral. I mean, it was all the things, and it didn’t have anything to do with me, because it was a different type of cancer. I think the hardest thing now is it’s the you get far away from the surgery, the scar heals all that things. I never want to forget that I’m a cancer survivor. I never want to take a day for granted. And I’ll tell you what it’s it’s very apparent to me in the beginning, I had to go to the doctor every three months that he stretched out to four. So I still go to the oncologist every six months, and the pit and the sick feeling that I get in my stomach every time you walk into that place makes me remember, I, you know, even though there’s no evidence of disease, you know, there’s obviously, there’s always a chance it’ll come back. So I don’t, I am learning to live for today, right? Not that I’m going to go skydiving or anything like that, but I don’t worry so much about things that are going to happen tomorrow, because nobody’s guaranteed tomorrow. All I want to do is just live my best day today, because then if it’s my last day, I know I did a really good job at it, but so many of us put things off because tomorrow will be here. We take tomorrow for granted. You know what you hear the words, you have cancer. You don’t take tomorrow for granted anymore.

 

Rick Jordan  

Right On the only day we’re ever guaranteed is today, not tomorrow, the next week, the year after, the only day we’re ever guaranteed is today, what are you going to do today?

 

Kim Becker  

That’s right. Well, that’s why I’m here, right? One of the reasons that I’m here is to be able to share my story so that today I hope that I made an impact in the lives of your listeners. Did somebody put up a colonoscopy? They’ll go get it done. Right? Somebody else that’s complaining and moaning about something that’s little but really, I loved what you said, today’s a good day when you first thing you said, when you got on there, today’s the day and you’re feeling grateful. You know what Anthony Robbins says, You can’t be grateful and fearful at the same time. I choose to be grateful. And you know, it’s little things. I’ll tell you what. After Mike died, you know, it was hard because our son was probably 14 months old when he joined me in the business. We literally spent every day together. Our desks were across from one another. You know? We woke up in the morning. We went to bed together, we worked with each other, all those things, and all of a sudden that person is gone. And so there were days like there were days that I literally had to be grateful that the grass was growing. That’s all I had. I didn’t at that point in time, but I had to find something to be grateful for. You know, remember sitting in the car one day with my son in tears, and I said, You know what? And all the times the water never got shut off, we have a roof over our head. The car is still running. You know, the biggest thing was to keep the child alive. You know, I was the one that I was the breadwinner in the family. I, because of being a hairdresser, we chose for Mike to stay home. And so I had to learn now how to have this relationship with my son, but you know, it’s all of those things, advocating and gearing in all through high school, which is not an easy I’m grateful my child was, you know, very easy, but I think that that’s we look too much on what we don’t have as opposed to what we do have. And even though people may not be where they want to be. If you’re grateful for where you are right now, it gets you a lot closer to where you want to be. Because I think sometimes you’ve got to be happy in this moment before you can be happy in the next moment.

 

Rick Jordan  

Yeah, right on. I’ve heard it’s interesting how you say that. I don’t remember who you quoted, but it was how gratefulness and fearfulness cannot exist. They can’t coexist. There’s another interesting perspective that I’ve had too around fear. It’s a you know, fear is never something that you can be it. Well, let me say this the right way. Fear is only something you can be afraid of right now in the present. It only has to do with something that’s happening to you right here. Now. Fear cannot be something that has already passed, because it’s done, it’s over, and fear cannot be something that’s in the future, because you don’t even know if that is going to happen, you know. So fear can only be felt in something that’s happening to you right now. So something that you know of, you know, like you get the call from cancer, right? Feel the fear in that moment you. You know, but then you can immediately shift that, you know, with some with some mental discipline, you know, to say, What am I grateful for? I love that you took your sister out and said, because it’s that. It’s like, hey, if I’ve only got today, if I’ve only got right now, which it may be that way. You know, I may have Googled up too many things. That’s very possible, but if I only had today right now, what would I do? Because that’s the truth, is that you only know that you really have today, when you only know you really have today, what are you going to do?

 

Kim Becker  

That’s right? And again, I think that you’re right. So many now. Now I’m all about, listen, I have post it notes and goals and achievements. I’ve got them all over my office. And I’m all about setting goals. I’m all about taking actions towards those goals. But every single day, you can do something, right? Again, Anthony Robbins is the one that said you can’t be grateful and fearful at the same time. He also talks about two millimeter shifts, you know. Again, people think that you have to do these huge, grandiose things. Tony Robbins, yes, yes. And so, 

 

Rick Jordan  

You know me personally or something, is that what you call me? 

 

Kim Becker  

I wish I did, no, but I know, but I walked on fire with him. So there’s that that was cool, yeah? And so I think that, you know, he talks about two millimeter shifts, yeah? You know, because you only have today, there’s so many people that think you’ve got to do these great, big, grandiose things that are going to make it’s not sometimes. I think it’s just doing the simplest thing and either doing it over and over and over again, or you make a decision. It’s a small decision, and then you just make another decision. But if you are in the moment right now, you’re it’s easier for you to make those decisions and those two millimeter shifts.

 

Rick Jordan  

That’s the way it’s got to be, because that’s I talk about it in a similar way, but it’s I’ve heard Tony talk about that before too, when I’ve seen him live, but I talk about as in, you only ever really know your next step, and that’s the only thing to focus on. But this has to do with fear too. You know, because if you can look at your next step, fear can also go away, because you can be grateful that you even have that next step, that you know what that step is, and almost all the time, you always know what that next step is, not the second, not the third, not the fourth, not the 87 step, but you typically always know what that next step is to take. And if you focus on that, just move into that. You know what? When you do that, you’re going to figure out what the step is after that. 

 

Kim Becker  

That’s right, well, and you know, well, and when my husband died, you know, I equated it to eating an elephant, right? And what they say a lot of times is, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time? And when I talk to widows now that are newly widowed, I just say, you know, they’re like, how am I going to get through this? And I said, you just take a step, and then you take another step, and then you take another step. And sometimes those minutes and hours and days are long. In the beginning, I remember I used to have a big calendar in my dining room, and I’d go up. I always cross the days off, just to kind of keep track of where things were. And there would be times where I would go to that calendar two and three times a day, like it’s the same day, like it just feel, it felt like the day should go faster. But all I could do was just keep my head down and put blinders on, because when you started to look out like what you said to the 86 or the 87 step. It got so overwhelming, I literally would just say, I can’t do this. So I would talk myself back into it and say, Yes, you can. What can you do right now? You may not be able to do everything right now, but what can you do right now? And that’s what I did, was I did that one thing, and I tell my my women, that battle cancer, it’s the same thing. What you have to understand is, you know, you’ll be in treatment, maybe six, nine months, 12 months, something like that. It’s not forever. And what you have to do is just focus on what you can do right now. And to me, attitude is everything right. If you go into it like this is going to suck and it’s going to be awful, and I’m not going to make it well, your experience is going to be awful. And so if you go into this like, okay, look, I mean, I can’t tell you the amazing women that I get to meet that go into their chemotherapies figuring out how they can inspire the other women that are there going through the same thing there are that’s amazing to me, that’s amazing to me, but when you look at that, and when you focus on others, that time goes by so much faster, and then you’re not looking so inward, but when you do look inward that you’re grateful, that you have the perspective that you do, that you can share that with others, I really think our world would be a much better place if we spent more time being grateful and would be focused on others other than ourselves.

 

Rick Jordan  

Right on. Kim, I appreciate you sharing your story. You know, obviously you’ve got a lot of passion behind this, and not even the level of passion that you started with it, because of your own personal connection now and and your cancer scenario that you had, too. I’m curious, because, can you explain to everybody how specifically, like some examples that you help cancer survivors start to gain their beauty back. I mean, is it hair? Is it physical altercations, whatever it is to help them gain their confidence back and their beauty.

 

Kim Becker  

So you know, what we figured out is you don’t know what you don’t know. And there are many women that will go into a doctor’s office and they will ask them, hey, what tools do you have to help me counteract this? Side effects that are happening for my cancer treatment, and more times than not, the doctors will say to him, You know what? That’s not my job. My job is to get rid of your cancer, my I’m not worried about any of that other stuff. You know what that is my job. My job is to make sure that you look really good while you’re going through this. So it’s a lot of instruction. It is a, you know, we did a makeover once, and I’ll never forget. She came in and she had a wig on, and her wig looked really odd, and I couldn’t figure out why and and what I realized was there’s a couple of little tabs that sit here in front of the ear. She had them tucked back behind her ears, so when they were tucked back, you saw this strip of bald scalp right here. But she didn’t know any better. She didn’t you know. Didn’t know what else to do. So what I want to be able to do is, if I want to empower and educate women by creating an experience for them, so that when they walk away from this, they’re like, I can do it. So one of the ways that we do that is we actually do in person makeovers. And we were it was really good prior to COVID, and that was that a woman would be nominated by family or friends. We show up unannounced with candy and flowers and roll out a red carpet and greet her with a great big Hello, gorgeous. And then she’d get a full day of beauty, manicure, pedicure, facial. She needed a wig. We provided one. She was ready for cut and color. We did that. And then we worked with a Clothier to get her a new outfit, and we planned a big reveal for party for her afterwards. And what I found is that, you know, when women are diagnosed with cancer, people don’t know what to say, so they say nothing and stay away. And what these women need, more than anything is they need those people around her to support her and get her through this. So the reveal party became the most important part. Once she looked and felt like a million dollars, we gathered all of her friend, family and friends around so that they could see her new look. And when they saw that she looked like her normal self, they were less fearful. And so then they I think people are just they don’t know. They’re afraid they’re going to say something stupid. And so this way, then when she looked normal, then they felt like the conversation could be better. They could be there to support her. So that was going great. We had 33 salon affiliates in 15 states that were doing these makeovers every month, and then COVID hit and everything shut down. And so what I realized was, in the middle of a pandemic, even though we were in the middle of a pandemic, there were still women hearing the words, you have cancer. So we needed to figure out a way to continue to serve so we switched and we went to a virtual makeover. So then it was, instead of her doing them in person, we created a red box that was sent to her house, and I created a video that was step by step. It showed her how to use every single thing in the box, which showed her how to draw her eyebrows on it showed her how to make her look like it had. She had eyelashes. It showed her how to counteract the effects of the steroids. And so she was still able to do everything that she needed. And then if she needed a wig, we even sent her a wig, and we had wig tutorials on how to do that as well. And so I think it’s just, it’s really about the education it truly is, and we’re all in that I don’t know what I don’t know. And so if somebody can show me what I don’t know, and then I can recreate that, it makes all the difference in the world. And I think the biggest piece is, is we gave her all the product that she needed to be able to do it. So she wasn’t scrounging around in her house to look for a mascara or an eyeliner. She had everything she needed to reproduce that look today and every day going forward for probably the next three to six months.

 

Rick Jordan  

Wow, that’s amazing. What’s the typical age of clients that you work with?

 

Kim Becker  

You know, our youngest has been four. We did a makeover on a four year old and the oldest was 86 we had one little girl. The particular four year old was in Iowa, and all she wanted for Christmas was hair. So we worked with a partner and and they’re called children with hair loss, and they do wigs for children, and we got her hair that year for Christmas.

 

Rick Jordan  

So that’s amazing. Do you have photos of her on your website?

 

Kim Becker  

You know, I don’t know if we’ve got photos of her. We have another little girl that we have photos of. She was six, and her name was Phoenix, and her reveal was so fun. Her we did a little makeover on her, and they went to the Disney store and bought all their clothes, and the Chick fil A cow came, and her reveal was we had a limo come to take her and her family, and in town, Mickey’s Christmas, something or other was on stage in one of our local performing arts centers, and so the limo actually took she and her family there for her reveal. And I do have some before and after pictures

 

Rick Jordan  

of her. That’s incredible. And that’s at Hello, gorgeous.org right, correct, Yep, yeah. Kim, the work that you’re doing is just absolutely amazing. You know, just being able to help people come back into life, really. You know, I love how you call it the reveal as well, because it is the makeover. Is that the first time that they see themselves as well? Or is it,

 

Kim Becker  

You know, they we, we show them themselves, like at the makeover, you know, because they look in the mirror to see an outfit and stuff. But you know, what is? What’s really cool. You watch them come alive. I always say that there’s a light switch on inside of these women, and it’s turned off, and when we get there, we turn the switch on, and all of a sudden, like this inner light, it just it comes alive. It’s incredible. It’s incredible to watch.

 

Rick Jordan  

My goodness, Kim. It your heart is just the biggest that I’ve ever seen. I appreciate you so much.

 

Kim Becker  

Thank you. Keep I have the best job in the whole world. I really do have the best job in the whole world.

 

Rick Jordan  

No doubt, keep doing what you’re doing, keep going, you know. And everyone, hello, gorgeous.org That’s where you can support Kim and what she’s doing. It’s just incredible. Yeah, I’m sure people can donate on there too, right?

 

Kim Becker  

We can. Yep, there’s a Donate button. There’s free resources, the virtual makeovers. If you’ve got a loved one battling cancer, you can purchase a makeover for them. But yes, I can’t help the women that don’t know I exist. So anybody that you know, please direct them to our site so we can support them any way we

 

Rick Jordan  

can. You have everyone that you heard Kim share this episode out, especially because you’ll get to hear a lot of Kim’s heart. Just send it to everybody. You know, I normally ask for three people, but send it to everybody, you know, this is incredible for people to feel like they’ve regained life again and have that light switch back on. Kim, you’re incredible. Hello, gorgeous.org. Thank you for coming on today.

 

Kim Becker  

Thank you, Rick, thank you for having me.